I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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