Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize