porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
