Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
