What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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