Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
