There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
