just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
