where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
