I hate all girls vehemently.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
