i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
