I'm drive I can fine osifer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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