ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
