Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if only i could text you this smell
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
