.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
