haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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