Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
