I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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