I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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