is your mom at the bar?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
