Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
