this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
why is half of my head shaved?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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