Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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