So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
