She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
