I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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