Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
