Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
