Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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