Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
