Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
