My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
