Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
