Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
