I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
