just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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