My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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