Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
