I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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