Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
