So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
