don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
