My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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