He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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