oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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