Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
