he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
