remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
