I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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