i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
