i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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