I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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