my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
3pm strippers are depressing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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