Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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