is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
