Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
