walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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