he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
