Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
