A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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